bornafraid | ⓒⓤⓓⓓⓛⓡ

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see, you've fallen for the champagne enema trap. imagine going through a band roster, looking through all the cool, normal band names like death cat, five boys with no rhythm, and seeing champagne enema staring right up at you. wouldn't you want to at least see the people who came up with that one?

not that maureen and i were thinking that deeply when we decided on it. i think we had consumed a little too much champagne to be perfectly honest.

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no, uh. not rude at all. that's a very fair line of questioning.

[ ... he didn't really think that anyone would ask about it, though. or even swipe right for that matter. ]

you've seen shrek right? dumb question, everyone at least at one point in their life has been subjected to shrek. well, you know how princess fiona says 'by night one way, by day another' shrek logic applies to this situation.

[ it's not a lie by day he would be a fried egg on the sidewalk, given that he was left out on the sidewalk in the first place.

hold up— ]

are you asking me out?

I gotta admit, I'd be intrigued at least. show up for the name, stay for the music?

also, I read this a little like that guy in the princess bride.

[She actually hasn’t. Seen Shrek. It’s not a thing on Earth-2, not the way folks from Earth-1 know it, anyway. But she understands the sentiment from it he’s explaining to her. Which is the important thing.

And then cue the flustered typing.]

Um. Yes I am.

I mean. If you want to. Go out.

With me.

[God she’s so bad at this.]

i mean, hopefully. we never had a walk out on one of our gigs, but to be honest we didn't have the chance to do that many.

we were just starting to get big though, started at a hole in the wall, upgraded to playing in a slightly larger hole in the wall. one that actually had a mic, and a stage.

and could fit around twenty people and one groupie.

didn't have the chance because you came here? don't tell me you hung up the rock dreams. I couldn't take it.

the groupie is the most important part of that number, though. you get the groupie, you've got it made.

does anybody ever really hang up the rock dreams? i'm sure i'll hit 100 years old and still sleep with my guitar at my bedside, and dream about having i don't know two groupies.

and well, kind of. some stuff came up at home that put the band on hold.

[ .... stuff. things. vampiracy. ]

does it still count if the one groupie moonlights as my best friend?

quitters, that's who. and look at you, you gentleman, just dreaming about the groupies instead of being inappropriate with them.

ugh, stuff. I hate stuff. there's always stuff back home.

hmm. it's a close one, but I think we can give it to you. I mean, really, it's only the french official ruling against it, and what does that guy know?

[ he was almost sure, 99.999% sure that he had blown it with the shrek reference and calling himself princess fiona indirectly. so when the text comes through he stares at it for a full moment in disbelief.

he called himself an ogre, and she still wants to go out with him. ]

uh, yeah. of course i do. why wouldn't i?

you seem nice, and you're obviously smart given the whole genius thing.

so yes, i'm formally accepting.

ew, no. who wants to be a quitter. the only thing worse than being a quitter is a nickelback fan. that's me the perfect gentleman, born and raised. no really, whenever i would say anything even slightly questionable my sister would hit me with the back of our remote.

good thing my schedule is clear of stuff here.

nothing, i wouldn't trust his opinion on anything but baguettes.

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aw, clary you shouldn't have. no really you shouldn't have, i'm pretty sure this means you're contractually obligated to hold my hand.

isn't that how this works?

Does it??? Oh no that's the worst!!!! :((((

Kidding!!

I don't know. I was going to ask you if secret handshakes counted?? But I can hold your hand! It can be like that time we watched the Grudge for the first time and I was too afraid to walk to the kitchen at night so I made you hold my hand and go with me.

Except instead of a butter knife this time I have a glowing angelic blade.

she did that? please tell me she didn't commission a portrait of me ( going off the assumption that you're an artist ) i would much rather have one of her.

right. i mean, even downworlders have wishes that need granting.

yeah, she did. your assumption isn't wrong that i'm an artist or that she commissioned a portrait, though it was one with the two of you together.

yeah, exactly. this isn't the type of place to discriminate if you have wish you want granted as long as you meet your end of the deal.

what a grim, terrible fate you've brought upon yourself.

maybe they do, i'm not sure. wouldn't that be something, if we could secret handshake our way to valentine's defeat. and that was as much for my benefit as it was yours. i am man enough to say that movie is terrifying, and if we were to ever watch it again there's a high probability i'd cover my eyes with a pillow. don't mention that to anyone else though.

does this mean i get the butter knife? hey, i need something to defend myself with.

that's a relief. did we look good together? is that a weird question to ask? or actually, what kind of pose were we doing?

i'm just, you know, curious.

it's cool, that you're an artist i mean. my best friend is one. or wait, did you already know that?

does the name clary ring a bell?

Oh nooooooooooooooooo!!!!

I'm asking one of the representatives tomorrow if secret handshakes count towards the incentive. If they do you better prepare your hands because they're totally mine buddy! I can respect that. But I wouldn't have done very much against any crazy ghosts back then. My mom would have saved us if we screamed though. Wow, think of all the scary movies and stuff we screamed about and she came in to check on us.... Do you think she had a blade ready to kill demons or protect us from Valentine???

If we ever watch that movie again, it will be with pillows over both of our eyes because I'm not watching it either! So your secret is safe with me. I'm pretty sure that movie was your idea in the first place... or was it mine....? I know all the Nicolas Cage movies I've seen are your fault. Like Con Air.

You have your strength and wit... and you can have a butter knife.

no, it's not weird.

i can show you if you want to see? i still have the the reference pictures she gave me along with a draft sketch i had before i gave her the final piece.

oh! yeah actually you mentioned her to me.

i only met her once when she was picking up something at the art supply store i work at. [meaning basic introductions happened but that was about it until she learned from simon that she was a friend of his]

get back to me with the answer to that, if so we'll have to schedule a secret handshake creation workshop into our busy eudio schedules.

i don't know, your mom does always seem on top of things. i wouldn't put it past her to have had a secret cashe of weapons somewhere. obviously where we wouldn't have been able to reach it. maybe on top of the fridge?

'my fault' as if watching nicolas cage is a hardship. he's an artist, clary. a true artist.

you forgot my pretty face on that list.

I'm sure it'll fit somewhere between trying not to give Jace the wrong impression and being frowned at by Alec. Or maybe ghost shenanigans.

Nah the top of the fridge is where she hid the extra bag of jolly ranchers cause she knows we go through them really fast. But I don't know that. Don't tell her I know that.

Why are you like this???? Of all the male celebrities to have a crush on???? Have you seen Liam Hemsworth????

Don't put yourself down!!! At least say your gorgeous face!!!! :)

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makes his lil vampire heart flutter

swoons

what a cute

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shes a brat im sorry